Bravery in Waiting
As a single, twenty-something recent college graduate, I do a lot of thinking about the future. (Thinking...freaking out...whatever you want to call it.)
These are just some of the questions that I seem to continually ask myself. And the thing is, I really don't have answers for any of them, at least right now. That's the frightening thing.
I have many viable options, but it seems so easy to become paralyzed by fear -- fear of making the "wrong" choice, fear of failure, fear of letting safety/reason/comfort control the decisions, fear of being reckless, etc.
So, this is the in-between stage I currently exist in. I have a degree, but not yet a career. I have been blessed with two wonderful jobs, but I do not believe that I am meant to occupy two part-time jobs forever. :) So now I'm faced with discovering what I am passionate about and looking for ways to pursue that.
You may ask, "Didn't you just spend 4.5 years in college? Shouldn't you know what you want to do by now?"
And to that question I simply say --- ask any recent college graduate if they know what they want to do. Not what they are going to do, but what they want to do. I would bet that a majority still isn't sure.
In the meantime, my head still swirls around the questions I listed above. Some days I feel that I'm exactly where I should be; other days, I doubt. I often fear that I'm making a mistake by taking my time before jumping into a career.
And that is where a conversation with my friend Jessica comes into play. Jessica was in my degree program so I saw her a LOT. (I once calculated it and I believe that in two years, she and I had 16 classes together...). Through all that time, Jessica became a dear friend. Being in the same degree program, she understands some of my struggles that other people can't and she is always a wonderful listener.
This week, we met up for lunch and started talking about (surprise!) the future. She asked about where my life currently was and where I wanted to go, so we talked about the fact that I'm taking my time to figure that very thing out. I honestly don't remember everything she said in that talk, but one word stuck out to me: brave. Jessica thought that I was brave for taking my time, not rushing my life, and not letting others' perceptions or ideas of success define me. I have never had anyone use that word to describe where I'm at right now (and honestly, I'm still not sure...), but it was the biggest compliment she could have given me. Since that talk, I've done a lot of thinking about how I can live bravely during this transitional life stage, and it all comes down to giving every moment to God. If God says move, I need to be brave and step out. When I need Him, I need to be brave enough to cry out to Him. And if God says wait, I need to be brave enough to obey, believing that He knows what He's doing. And recently, all I've really heard is, "Wait." :)
Like he tends to do, God brought this subject up again at Redeemer today, this time through one of the songs in worship. As we sang "Without You" by Shane and Shane, God began stirring my heart and reminded me to turn my questions over to Him.
Here I am calling out Father
Can you hear me, can you hear me
I don't want to go without you
Here I am, can You talk a little louder
So I can hear You, I want to hear You
I don't want to move without You
If Your presence goes I don't want to stay
If Your presence stays I don't want to go
If Your presence goes I don't want to stay
If Your presence stays I don't want to go
I need You
I absolutely love the line, "What do I have if I don't have the King?", because I know the answer to that one --- nothing. Even if I am considered a smashing success in the world's eyes, if I don't have Jesus and if my life is not glorifying Him, then I've done nothing.
I also love that this song has no fear or shame in crying out to God (you might even say it is brave...). It reminds me that I want to wait until God shows me where to go and is walking with me. It also reminds me that the most important thing is to be where He is.
I still don't have answers to my questions. But I know the One who is faithful, and I'm learning to trust that His timing is perfect, even when He says, "Wait".
Who knows? Maybe there's bravery in waiting...
Where will I go?
What will I do?
What job do I want to pursue?
Where will I live?
How long should I stay?
What do I enjoy?
Who will I marry?
Will I be a success?
Who will be with me on this journey?
Graduate school or career?
Graduate school or career?
Step out or play it safe?
Start fresh or build upon the foundation already in place?
What am I passionate about?
How can I make a difference?
Listen to logic/reason or listen to my heart?
How will God use me?
Am I making the right choices?
These are just some of the questions that I seem to continually ask myself. And the thing is, I really don't have answers for any of them, at least right now. That's the frightening thing.
I have many viable options, but it seems so easy to become paralyzed by fear -- fear of making the "wrong" choice, fear of failure, fear of letting safety/reason/comfort control the decisions, fear of being reckless, etc.
So, this is the in-between stage I currently exist in. I have a degree, but not yet a career. I have been blessed with two wonderful jobs, but I do not believe that I am meant to occupy two part-time jobs forever. :) So now I'm faced with discovering what I am passionate about and looking for ways to pursue that.
You may ask, "Didn't you just spend 4.5 years in college? Shouldn't you know what you want to do by now?"
And to that question I simply say --- ask any recent college graduate if they know what they want to do. Not what they are going to do, but what they want to do. I would bet that a majority still isn't sure.
In the meantime, my head still swirls around the questions I listed above. Some days I feel that I'm exactly where I should be; other days, I doubt. I often fear that I'm making a mistake by taking my time before jumping into a career.
And that is where a conversation with my friend Jessica comes into play. Jessica was in my degree program so I saw her a LOT. (I once calculated it and I believe that in two years, she and I had 16 classes together...). Through all that time, Jessica became a dear friend. Being in the same degree program, she understands some of my struggles that other people can't and she is always a wonderful listener.
This week, we met up for lunch and started talking about (surprise!) the future. She asked about where my life currently was and where I wanted to go, so we talked about the fact that I'm taking my time to figure that very thing out. I honestly don't remember everything she said in that talk, but one word stuck out to me: brave. Jessica thought that I was brave for taking my time, not rushing my life, and not letting others' perceptions or ideas of success define me. I have never had anyone use that word to describe where I'm at right now (and honestly, I'm still not sure...), but it was the biggest compliment she could have given me. Since that talk, I've done a lot of thinking about how I can live bravely during this transitional life stage, and it all comes down to giving every moment to God. If God says move, I need to be brave and step out. When I need Him, I need to be brave enough to cry out to Him. And if God says wait, I need to be brave enough to obey, believing that He knows what He's doing. And recently, all I've really heard is, "Wait." :)
Like he tends to do, God brought this subject up again at Redeemer today, this time through one of the songs in worship. As we sang "Without You" by Shane and Shane, God began stirring my heart and reminded me to turn my questions over to Him.
I can walk through the storm
I can walk by faith when my sight is gone
Just as long as you are here with me
And I can gain everything
But what do I have if I don't have the King
Oh I need to know you're here with me
I can walk by faith when my sight is gone
Just as long as you are here with me
And I can gain everything
But what do I have if I don't have the King
Oh I need to know you're here with me
Here I am calling out Father
Can you hear me, can you hear me
I don't want to go without you
Here I am, can You talk a little louder
So I can hear You, I want to hear You
I don't want to move without You
If Your presence goes I don't want to stay
If Your presence stays I don't want to go
If Your presence goes I don't want to stay
If Your presence stays I don't want to go
I need You
I absolutely love the line, "What do I have if I don't have the King?", because I know the answer to that one --- nothing. Even if I am considered a smashing success in the world's eyes, if I don't have Jesus and if my life is not glorifying Him, then I've done nothing.
I also love that this song has no fear or shame in crying out to God (you might even say it is brave...). It reminds me that I want to wait until God shows me where to go and is walking with me. It also reminds me that the most important thing is to be where He is.
I still don't have answers to my questions. But I know the One who is faithful, and I'm learning to trust that His timing is perfect, even when He says, "Wait".
Who knows? Maybe there's bravery in waiting...
I absolutly love you!! We have talked about before so just remember that you are not alone!! I also very proud of you and I am so thankful for your example!! Keep following the Lord! Waiting doesn't always have to be hard, HAVE FUN NOW!!
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