Give Them Jesus
We all know those people that are good at holding it all together.
Life seems to go well for them. Sure, they may be a little stressed now and then, but they've got it all pretty much figured out. They are living the best they can and making out pretty well. Even when things go wrong, they are skilled at putting it back together. They are fixers.
So what happens when that person begins to crack? When they admit, "Look, life is hard, and I'm struggling"? When they begin to let out what's really in their hearts?
How do we respond to situations like this? I know that I've been guilty of being quick to offer up a time when I dealt with something similar in my own life. "Look, I know exactly what you're going through. I've been there, and this is how it all happened..."
Another response is to say, "Look, I've got just as much going on in my life as you, probably more. I'm still holding it together. You should do the same." (Maybe not in that direct of a way, but same principle.)
Perhaps the most common answer given to someone like this finally admitting that they are struggling in some area, whether it be sin, attitude, or time management, is to say, "Ok, I'm glad you told me. Now, how can we fix this?", while proceeding to look at all the possible angles of how to "fix" the person or their behavior.
This is the worst thing to tell a person skilled at holding things together. After all, they are the fixers. They've been fixing their issues their whole lives, continually patching up the holes in order to press on and do the right things, and usually with good intentions. Chances are, they've spent many nights trying to figure out how to "fix" their struggle. They don't need someone telling them how to make it better. In the same way, they don't need someone telling them to suck it up and be better. Again, that's something they are used to doing. They already have a hard time admitting to being broken; if you tell them to simply be better, chances are they will shut down and never come to you again. And while sharing your story can be helpful, once these people admit to struggling, they need to be free to talk about their own life.
So what do people like this want?
They want Jesus.
Even if they "know" all the right answers, they still want to be reminded. They want to be told that they don't have to have it all together, that they don't have to be perfect. They want to be told that they are loved even with their failures and deficiencies. They want to be reminded that Jesus has come for the sick, not the healthy. They want to be pointed to Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" and John 7:37-38, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in Me as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water". They need to know that Jesus came to fulfill the law so that they no longer have to be burdened by the impossible task of perfection.
They need Jesus.
After all, what did Jesus do with the woman at the well? When she told Jesus that she had no husband, she was trying to hold it together. Jesus knew better (of course), and confronted her in her failures. Instead of condemning her or giving her a list of things to remedy her situation, He told her of living water, of worshipping the Father in spirit and in truth, and He revealed Himself to her. She didn't need a plan of fixing her life; she simply needed Jesus.
And what about the Pharisees? They were the masters of holding things together and playing by the rules. They were zealous for their beliefs and worked fervently. However, their hearts were hardened and they were unable to believe Jesus was enough because they were so conditioned to needing the law to be good enough for Yahweh. How different might it have been if there was one Pharisee in the group that was willing to admit that he didn't know everything and that he struggled to keep it all together, and to be accepting and loving of others that might feel the same. That one could have changed everything.
How different would it be to tell these people what Jesus told the disciples in John 16, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
He didn't lay out a plan to fix themselves when they faced trials. Instead He offered peace and said to take heart. He was the solution.
So the next time you are with one of those people, remember:
They don't need your advice.
They don't need your stories.
They don't need you to tell them how to live.
They don't need you to fix them.
They are looking for more than you can give them; nothing you do is enough, because only one person is enough.
They need Jesus.
So give them Jesus.
Life seems to go well for them. Sure, they may be a little stressed now and then, but they've got it all pretty much figured out. They are living the best they can and making out pretty well. Even when things go wrong, they are skilled at putting it back together. They are fixers.
So what happens when that person begins to crack? When they admit, "Look, life is hard, and I'm struggling"? When they begin to let out what's really in their hearts?
How do we respond to situations like this? I know that I've been guilty of being quick to offer up a time when I dealt with something similar in my own life. "Look, I know exactly what you're going through. I've been there, and this is how it all happened..."
Another response is to say, "Look, I've got just as much going on in my life as you, probably more. I'm still holding it together. You should do the same." (Maybe not in that direct of a way, but same principle.)
Perhaps the most common answer given to someone like this finally admitting that they are struggling in some area, whether it be sin, attitude, or time management, is to say, "Ok, I'm glad you told me. Now, how can we fix this?", while proceeding to look at all the possible angles of how to "fix" the person or their behavior.
This is the worst thing to tell a person skilled at holding things together. After all, they are the fixers. They've been fixing their issues their whole lives, continually patching up the holes in order to press on and do the right things, and usually with good intentions. Chances are, they've spent many nights trying to figure out how to "fix" their struggle. They don't need someone telling them how to make it better. In the same way, they don't need someone telling them to suck it up and be better. Again, that's something they are used to doing. They already have a hard time admitting to being broken; if you tell them to simply be better, chances are they will shut down and never come to you again. And while sharing your story can be helpful, once these people admit to struggling, they need to be free to talk about their own life.
So what do people like this want?
They want Jesus.
Even if they "know" all the right answers, they still want to be reminded. They want to be told that they don't have to have it all together, that they don't have to be perfect. They want to be told that they are loved even with their failures and deficiencies. They want to be reminded that Jesus has come for the sick, not the healthy. They want to be pointed to Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" and John 7:37-38, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in Me as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water". They need to know that Jesus came to fulfill the law so that they no longer have to be burdened by the impossible task of perfection.
They need Jesus.
After all, what did Jesus do with the woman at the well? When she told Jesus that she had no husband, she was trying to hold it together. Jesus knew better (of course), and confronted her in her failures. Instead of condemning her or giving her a list of things to remedy her situation, He told her of living water, of worshipping the Father in spirit and in truth, and He revealed Himself to her. She didn't need a plan of fixing her life; she simply needed Jesus.
And what about the Pharisees? They were the masters of holding things together and playing by the rules. They were zealous for their beliefs and worked fervently. However, their hearts were hardened and they were unable to believe Jesus was enough because they were so conditioned to needing the law to be good enough for Yahweh. How different might it have been if there was one Pharisee in the group that was willing to admit that he didn't know everything and that he struggled to keep it all together, and to be accepting and loving of others that might feel the same. That one could have changed everything.
How different would it be to tell these people what Jesus told the disciples in John 16, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
He didn't lay out a plan to fix themselves when they faced trials. Instead He offered peace and said to take heart. He was the solution.
So the next time you are with one of those people, remember:
They don't need your advice.
They don't need your stories.
They don't need you to tell them how to live.
They don't need you to fix them.
They are looking for more than you can give them; nothing you do is enough, because only one person is enough.
They need Jesus.
So give them Jesus.
Thanks For the Post! Such an important lesson! We can give/get all the advise we want, but if it doesn't ultimately point to Jesus, it can be damaging. Good post! Live your insight!
ReplyDeleteI meant Love your insight, not live. :P
ReplyDelete"Live" works too! :)
ReplyDeleteWow Bethany this is super humbling and so true. It's a reminder not only that they need Jesus, but that I do too! If we all realize this then telling others should become our natural response.
ReplyDeleteThis also parallels a lot with the last book I read, Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands by Paul David Tripp. It's a very good book about helping others see Jesus. You should check it out :)
Love you dearly!!
I'm realizing it lately in my life, so I'm able to see how I've handled it with other people in the past, and I know I didn't do the best job!
ReplyDeleteAnd I know that the post seems a bit dramatic and like I'm telling people what they should do, but I want people to see the other side of it too and to understand that all you have to give them is Jesus because He IS enough! How wonderful is that?
So, thanks Haley! I will check out that book.