Waiting on Sunday

Today, a friend asked, "So, how do you feel right now?" 

Where to begin....

Overwhelmed. 

Inspired. 

Skeptical. 
Really old & really young. (How is that even possible?)
Like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough but still know nothing.
Grateful for wise counsel. 
Wondering how to sort through possibilities.
Scared.
Anxious.
Excited.
Breathless.
Desperately wanting to trust God in every moment.

Basically, 
I'm a ridiculous mess of "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, GOD?" 

At times I feel like I have the whole world at my feet, that there are endless possibilities in my life, and that I am FREE.

Other times I feel that I'm stuck in a rut, that I will be paralyzed by options, and that there's no real direction in my life. 

While there are a few times that I get a radiant glimpse of His brilliance and understand that God is working out the details of my life, most of the time, I just don't know which way is up. 

But as I've been meditating on the story of the betrayal, crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus, one glaring detail has stood out:

The disciples didn't have it all together. 

Now, everyone reading this just said, "No duh" in unison. (Yes, I'm bringing back that lovely phrase.) But hear me out. 

They loved Jesus. They believed He was who He said He was - the Son of God. They were with Jesus for His last meal; they were praying with Him in the garden of Gethsemane (in between periods of resting their eyes, of course). 

But they fled. They deserted. Some even betrayed and denied. They spent a Saturday in darkness, still believing the Christ, but not understanding what direction life had taken and not knowing how the story would end. 

They didn't understand that Sunday was coming. 

In a lot of parts of my life, I feel like I'm in the dark Saturday. (That sounds uber-melodramatic, but take it with a grain of salt...). 

I've been with Jesus. I've walked with Him. I've seen Him work. I've pledged my life to Him.

But just like the disciples, I'm not sure what's next. I don't always see the work of Christ as easily as I once did. It gets a bit harder to have faith enough to put my life in God's hands rather than trusting in my own human abilities. I want things to happen according to the timeline I expect, not understanding why God would choose a different route. I get frustrated, lonely, and confused.

But I choose to believe that Sunday's coming.

Jesus isn't finished. There's more to come, more to see. He's waiting for the right time. 

So while I'm waiting with Him, I simply live. I go to work. I spend time with friends. I learn to make disciples. I seek godly counsel. I pray for wisdom and trust that God has given it. I make decisions. 

The next problem? 

I don't like to make wrong decisions. 

Rewind back to the disciples. 

Peter gets a bad rap, but let's face it - the end of Jesus' life wasn't Peter's finest hour. He cut a dude's ear off and then denied Jesus three times after boasting of his loyalty. 

Smooth move, Peter.

If I had been in Peter's shoes, I would have thought that those mistakes would have cast me away from Jesus forever and ruined my chances of anything but a sorrowful, disgraceful life.

But what did Jesus do? 

He restored.

He healed.

He loved. 

He used the mistakes for His glory.

He put Peter back on the right path. 

He even built His church through Peter. 

He knew Peter's heart. He knew Peter loved Him. So he wasn't as concerned with the wrong decisions he made; instead, he wanted Peter's heart. 

So while I'm waiting on my Sunday, I can live faithfully. I can make decisions, believing that God is sovereign and will be glorified regardless of if I make a mistake or not. I can run headlong into Jesus, trusting that the pursuit of Him will fulfill me more than any other person, thing, or circumstance. I don't just have to wait in my Saturday. 

I can move. Be. Do. Live. Love. 

After all, God uses our Saturdays to teach, mold, shape, and refine us so that we are ready for the Sunday, ready for the good that He has prepared for us. 

And I want to be ready, because Sunday's coming...