External Pursuit vs Internal Fulfillment

Sadly, more of who we are and what we feel comes from external forces rather than within ourselves or from our Creator. 

Yeah, that's a bold statement. And yes, it's a generalization. But this is something that has been gnawing at me for a while now. 

This really came full force in my mind when I was talking to my roommate on Thursday. Some things in her life weren't going so well, so we began discussing what effect that had on her relationship with others, her relationship with God, and her own heart. Through some really refreshing dialogue, we came to the conclusion that too often, we rely on things outside of ourselves and our control to shape our relationship with God. It's easy to worship and glorify God when things are going great; to live with integrity when you are unchallenged. The difficulty lies in the times that life gets tough. How easy is it to praise God when an area of your life is suffering; to hold fast to integrity when the wrong choice appears to be a solution? Not so easy, after all. 

After this conversation, I began to think back to the times that I didn't think I was "hearing" from God. More often than not, those were some of the harder times of my life; maybe I was struggling financially, perhaps a relationship was tearing at the seams. Looking back, I can see that God was really speaking to me more during those times; I just couldn't hear it because all I could hear was the chaos outside of myself. I was gauging my relationship with God based on my external surroundings. I was allowing my emotions to be played with, tossed to and fro in the wind, instead of anchoring them in the truth of Jesus Christ. 

Why do we base who we are, and more importantly, who God is, on things going on around us? These external things can be careers, relationships, school, our social network, or family. They can be bigger forces like politics, religion, or the economy. We can even base our worth on hobbies like sports or travel. When things that are important to us begin slipping from us or aren't going so well, we have a harder time connecting with God. Why do we build our identities from these things? While these things may be part of who we are, they are not at the core of our being. 

I am a student.

I am a pastor. 

I am a girlfriend. 

I am a brother. 

I am a football player. 

I am in a band. 

I am a Baptist. 

I am a democrat. 

I am a doctor. 

I am upper-class. 

I am a husband. 

I am a beloved child of God, redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ. 

All of the above things may very well be a part of who we are. But the only thing that really matters is that we are children of God. They don't change who God is or who I am in Christ. However, we don't always seem to realize this. We keep looking for something that will fill us up, that will make us right. We chase after all those things for so long, pushing God to the side. 
"If I just got this job, everything would be ok." 
"If only I was married, everything would be perfect."
"If I could just make it to the weekend, I'll be doing great."
Sure, these things are all great and can bring certain amounts of joy into our lives. But what happens when we reach the goal we've been pursuing for so long, only to find that our hearts are still empty? When we get that dream job, but it doesn't make us as happy as we thought? When we find that relationship or marriage, but realize that we've given our hearts to another person instead of to Jesus? When the weekend rolls around, but we're still restless? 
When we finally do attain that certain something we've been longing for, we are confused at why we don't feel complete. 

There is a beautiful quote by C.S. Lewis from Mere Christianity that sums my feelings up more succinctly and brilliantly than I ever could. 

"Most people, if they have really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise. The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or first think of some foreign country, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning, can really satisfy. I am not now speaking of what would be ordinarily called unsuccessful marriages, or holidays, or learned careers. I am speaking of the best possible ones. There was something we have grasped at, in that first moment of longing, which just fades away in the reality. I think everyone knows what I mean. The wife may be a good wife, and the hotels and scenery may have been excellent, and chemistry may be a very interesting job:  but something has evaded us."

We are so often motivated by our lacking. But there is always something that we lack. Our fulfillment evades us if we seek it in things outside of God. He is the only one that brings true fulfillment. In reaching and grasping for things to satisfy us, we only become more dissatisfied. Why do we never say, "If only had had more time to study the Word, to meet with God, to worship my creator, etc."? These are the things that bring fulfillment, and they can't be found in and of ourselves and our means. Brooke Fraser sings a line in a song called "C.S. Lewis Song" (ironically), that says "If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here." We have those desires because we are made to be with our Creator; He is the only one that truly satisfies our hearts. 

When we are in the "wilderness", pursuing our longings but coming up empty-handed, so often we want to run to our own resources to find something to help us. But as my pastor said this morning, we are brought to that wilderness to realize that we need something outside of ourselves or our surroundings and environment. We are all searching for the thing that can fulfill us, but we have to go to the desert to find it. When we are emptied of ourselves and all the things we build up around us, we see that the only thing that matters is Jesus in us. You can pursue contentment and fulfillment your whole life, but you will never find it in anything other than Jesus. 

This really is almost two topics - one about basing your identity from things around you, one about seeking fulfillment in outside things. But both are tied together with the fact that we are looking outside and to the world for the answers instead of to Jesus. It's time to stop pursuing outside things and to seek fulfillment through our own relationship with Christ. 

I want to be fulfilled not by a career or a relationship, but by the love of my savior.

I want to stand firm and unwavering in Christ, no matter the situation. 

I want to find my worth only in Him. 


Link to "C.S. Lewis Song" by Brooke Fraser